here I am again

Yes I return, so how am I feeling, I dunno...summer appears to be creeping up heaps faster than I realised, and nothing in my wardrobe fits...its all too big, but there is nothing that I like at all in shops so i'm in a bit of trouble...any satisfaction in myself yet...no...I still feel really disgusting, just so disgusted in myself...I've been eating fairly ok, yes a few moments of regret but not that many, been running everyday thats been good...it was a struggle at first but its geting easier each time, havent been to the gym in a lil while, way busy with work, but i'll get there in the next 2 weeks, should be good. My problem with it is I get really bored so easy, motivation gets so hard. I need to find motivation, cos I know if I want to I can avoid wearing a bathing suit, but I don't want to have to do that, I want to be happy with me. You know its funny I dont even know if I really have ever been happy and after all the crap I have had to deal with in the year, its hard to be happy, but, I want to get there, just like with this weight crap. For once I want self satisfaction. I want to like who I see in the mirror. I want to be able to walk into a group of people and feel confident not self concious. I just want to be able to like me...Just to find that motivation do the things I need to do to get there. If theres anyone out there bothering to read my crap and have any suggestions send them my way.