day by day
everyday I have to look at myself in the mirror and regret what I see, then there are people who appear to love me and tell me i'm beautiful, I long to see it. I'm slipping back into bad habbits, when i'm alone when i'm sad food seems to call me, but never the good stuff its always the bad...the funny thing is I don't really like the taste of junk food, but I seem to eat it to console myself...what am I consoling myself about, I just dont know. I'm unhappy in me, I'm unahppy with everything. I have so much healing to do, so much more of me to find and to understand. People may wonder why I search for a physical transformation, its because I'm so scared, so in hate of what I look like that the inner me screaming to come out hides in the physical self that I dont want to show. I dont just want to be thin (not bones) I want to have a body that i'm happy with, one that I can face the world in, one that I respect and love, not one that I allow to harm (in so many ways) I want to go to the gym, but I cant find the inspiration...give it to me, I need to go and do it for myself, so I can complete my jorney one day, so I can love who I am....I want to love who I am. ok...I'm gonna go, i'm gonna go to the gym...it'll be good, it'll work (i have to keep telling myself that)
posted by laura @ 8:09 AM
2 Comments:
Good read, ...about your feeling and the honesty with which you explore them.
In his book, "The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching," Thich Nhat Hanh wrote at the end of the very first paragraph of the very first chapter:
"Because there is suffering in your heart, it is possible for you to enter my heart."
You are one of nature's wonderful creations. As such, you hold the power be free of old habit energy and painful thought processes. Believe in yourself, reach out for help, and have faith in your future. The paths we choose to follow make us better human beings. They test our limits while reconnecting us with humanity through loving compassion.
Others have stood in the fires--like you--and emerged stronger: beliefs tempered by the flames, judgements turned to ashes, and forever grateful for a new and joyous life. Find your faith, it's always in the last place we look for it, always patiently awaiting our returning.
Be gentle, Bill.
thank-you for your kind words bill, unhappy I am,but I'm a fighter and will struggle through
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