who have I become?

Who am I, who I have I become, I can't even see who I am any more...I don't know how to find me, I don't even know how to become the person that I want to be. I feel drained, I can't find the motivation to go to the gym, I can't find the motivation to do anything. What do I want to do??? Who am I going to become?
I need to find some structure, some plan to find happiness, no, not happiness, I need to find a way to loose weight, its the only way i'm sure that I will be happy...I wish I could just find the answer.
I'm lonely, I'm all alone, no not physically, I have the things that people have, friends, family...a boyfriend...but I am all alone.
My boyfriend, how I love him...how I'm sure that he doesn't love me, i'm sure he has no plans to ever really be with me...and I want more, but I dont think i will ever get it.
I can't even give to him...give to him who I am, I cannot be comfortable with myself...i'm just disgusted in what I am.
I wish I could look through the eyes of others and see what they see about me, because all I have is hate, I hate me.