FAT

So again I come back to fill in the meaningless time that I have to spare...still taking the diet pills...dont think they are actually doing anything, but I guess its just a comfort to think that they might...thinking that when this lot is finished i'll up the dose rather than 3 times a day I may take 6 a day...maybe that'll help (its a very expensive process, but i'll do anything to beat fat)
Been very lazy, havent done any exercise...just been so tired, I feel the depression setting in again, I remeber how I used to sleep, all I did was sleep, I slept most of my teen years away. I dont want to return to that dark place again, being covered in fat is dark enough. My eating has been better... not better, cos if it was better i'd be eating properly, I guess i've been more controlled, the mornings are easier and the nights are ok...but...its during the day where the binge seems to happen...I need to beat it. I've forgotten how I did it before, how I lost the weight...all I remember is that I didn't starve myself...I've been a little lucky, summer down here seems to be taking a slower start than usual, in fact there were like floods yesterday (welcome summer) it was nice to be able to hide in my clothes, cos when summer is in full force here you have no choice but to shed the winter layers....it gets really hot. I really want to sit down and make a plan, a eating plan a exercise plan...make it soooo simple for myself that I basically read what i'll eat for the day, see what exercise I will do.......but I guess it'll fail...i'm in a spiral of failure. I am a failure.