i'm disgusting
I just ate and ate and ate and ate....i'm so disgusting, I ate a piece of toast at work...not so bad, at porridge when I got home, still going ok, then like and he later I ate a apple then pizza shapes then a egg sandwhich then a nectarine then a glass of chocolate crap, all within like an hour.......yuk, I feel like throwing it all up, its like I couldn't help it, I just kept eating, I couldn't stop...whats wrong with me........i'm just so sick, so disgusting, so yuk....i'm repulsed.........god I hate myself.
posted by laura @ 12:44 PM
4 Comments:
Hiya Laura, thanks for your comment on my blog. I've been reading through your posts and you seem to be in a really bad place at the moment. It's something I've been through for many years - wanting to lose weight then sabotaging my own efforts and then feeling lousy about myself.
I really hope things pick up for you. If you ever want to talk about things, just send me an email - kathrynoh at nemesis dot com dot au.
:)
Hi Laura
Thanks for your comment on my blog today. I've read through a few of your posts this afternoon and it certainly sounds like you're not very happy at the moment. (well DUH, you're thinking!!)
I don't know what I can say to make you feel better. I have been where you are. I know how hard it is.
I'm no Dr Phil (or whatever!) but I think the issues you have have less to do with your weight and more to do with your self esteem and how you feel about yourself. I promise you, losing weight won't make these feelings go away. It is possible to be a walking skeleton and still hate yourself (I know, I've been there).
Seeking professional help might be a good idea, but you may not be ready for that yet, within yourself. But don't shy away from help, don't be afraid to ask for it. And don't assume that people don't care or understand - you'd be surprised how many do.
If you haven't already read it, I recommend you check out A.J Rochester's Confessions of a Reformed Dieter. She deals with a lot of the issues you've raised in your posts far more articulately than I ever could.
Please know that you aren't alone. I used to be like you and have feelings and thoughts similar to what you've described, and honestly didn't think I'd ever be where I am now, where I'm happy, healthy and confident for the first time in my life.
Things can change for you if you really want them to.
Email me if you want to talk. Take care darl xxx
Hi Laura, about your post on my blog. im a lazy monkey and the only reason i work out so much these days is i REALLY want to achieve my goal by june.
It may seem i have it easy but so not true, Ive read through your posts and do agree with whats been said, seeking help may be a good idea you seem to have some sort of body dysmorphic disorder and combined with your incredibly negative body image it can make your life feel depressing and like you will never get out of a black hole. This is something that will not go away as you lose weight or exercise more. If you lose weight you will find something else to be upset about, there will always be something. Treatment can help you hundreds of miles out of that black hole so if you want it, definitley go for it.
People do understand and want only the best for you, strangers or not. Take care of yourself luv.
Laura, its awful when you feel like this. I totally recommend reading AJ's book as Philippa has suggested but please please dont be repulsed by yourself, or feel disgusted or hate yourself. Thats when you get caught in a rut and it will just suck u in until u cant get out. I am also in Melb and here if u want to talk. email lrallakis at bh dot com do au.
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