how do u feel today?
You know that kids song...how do u feel today...if ur feeling happy then clap your hands...well today i'm feeling happy (this is like a rare thing for me) and it scares me...it scares me alot. Cause when I get happy, I usually get sad...very sad, its like my happiness esculates so high,its unreal, its unatural...but when i drop, God do I drop...its like being on top of the highest building then falling hard falling fast and when I hit, picking up the pieces is such a effort, I become such a mess. Its horrible to be scared to be happy. I just wish I could truely experience the emotion without the insecurities, without the fat!
I still feel really good about this little communtiy that I slowley seem to be comming in to, slowley seem to be building around me...I dont often feel like I fit in, I dont often feel like i'm accepted...I dont know if I am accepted here...maybe just understood, in some weird way shape or form....and I know i've said it before and i'm sure i'll say it again, I dont think you people out there in this blog world quite realise just how much reading a message from you means, just how much in this past week or so I have been inspired...I feel very blessed, blessed indeed, its like FAT just hasn't been as scary...I dont feel quite alone.
So, back in the real world, I've been riding me bike everyday...in fact in riding it as I'm typing this...been really wanting to get to the gym, just haven't quite got there, I manage to get the gym clothes on, even got into the car...then I just sat there. I used to go there 5 days a week...WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!! Alot it seems...a lot, a lot, a lot.
posted by laura @ 1:54 PM
3 Comments:
I think many people are scared of feeling happy - it's like we are used to dealing with the bad feelings but somehow we don't deserve happiness. Have you heard of a writer called Sark? She has written some great books and talks a lot about that kind of stuff.
And hey, if you don't feel like going to the gym, don't go! It's been an effort for me at the moment - not because I don't want to exercise but because I'm feeling anti-social.
Hey chick
Don't put too much pressure on yourself to go to the gym, you will just end up resenting it. do something fun and energitic instead! Sounds like biking is the perfect answer.
Take care
A
There is always something about having someone else completely understand you and where you're coming from without having to defend your reactions and feelings.
I agree, the blogworld you can surround yourself with the most wonderful, inspiring caring people that genuinely want to see you succeed. It's as if a small loss for you is a small loss for them.
Like the other gals have said, don't force yourself to go to the gym because you'll be forever hating it, just let it be a natural progression when you want to go - enjoy the bike and major props for typing and ride LOL I am not one of those multi-taskers!
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