shy...or stupid
I've been trying really hard to motivate myself...i've put messages on my phone that go off every few hours...things that say 'dont give into temptation...you will loose weight....oh and abs abs abs...yes this is the big one for me....I really want to work on my abs....my stomach is yuk...its flabby it bulging its just fat!!!! So its time to do something about it....i'm gonna loose the tummy.
Apart from this I have another goal...to loose this bullshit introvert in me....so heres the situation, went out with friends as I do every Tuesday nite, we see a duo play, now theres this guy, one of the duo, i'm so attracted to him (No, not a sexual thing) i'm attracted to his personality, to his presence, I love how he is just him, so brave...so out there.....he comes and speaks to me all the time, now this is the type of person I would love to have as a friend....anyways, so yeh every week he comes to talk, catch up....i'm wondering why after so many weeks he even bothers, cos I swear, I just come across so stupid....like really really stupid! Ok, so there are so many examples, but lets just go to tonight, so theres a general group conversation happening (which i'm not participating in...just sitting there) he says to me 'do you sing' such a simple question....now here are many possible answers.
1. Yes, I have been singing since I was 8
2. I took lessons for 8 years
3. For the past few years thats how I made my living, I was teaching music and singing
4. Yes I can sing, but I havent performed in a while
But what do I say....nothing, I just stare at him, I feel my cheeks going red...again he asks, do you sing? I mumble something like, ummm..wellll....uhhhhh.....(then I turn to a friend and say) can I sing? How stupid can I be....I am just so unsocial....blahhhhhhhhhhhhh....I make myself so angry, why cant I just be me, why cant I answer a simple question....I hide in my fat and that is it!
Ok....these are the things I need to work on...they can be worked on, I will work on them.....oh god....sooooo much work to be done!
posted by laura @ 2:57 AM
6 Comments:
phwoar early morning post!!!!
sounds like you've given yourself a real talking too...i do that too...hopefully you wake up all motivated and full of energy!!!
dont worry about the social aspect, i'm sort of like that too...but i've noticed as i'm losing weight i'm enjoying socialising a bit more!! it takes time chick!!
We all get nervous around people that we look up to, or desperately want to impress!
It takes time to get over these feelings of awkwardness. Once you have more confidence, there'll be no stopping you!
And I'll bet you can sing beautifully!
Don't beat yourself up about. If I beat myself up over every stupid thing I said I'd be black and blue. :)
Wow that's such a great motivator, I never thought of having little messages beep up on the phone... great idea.
I'm sure you'll get motivated in no time, it often happens at the smallest things, or even reading what someone else has written on their blogs.
I agree with Philippa, we all get blank and ditzy when we're talking to someone we look up to and want to impress. So don't be so harsh on yourself, just remember he obviously enjoys talking with you because he keeps coming back every week ;D maybe he sees something in you too that he idolizes.
On a side note ~ I think singing is an awesome gift!! my gawd 8yrs that's super cool.
Hey there... Don't you hate those moments, when you just want the clock to turn back so you could try again?! So many times I have experienced sitting at home re-living something I'd said and then thinking of all the clever things I should have said!
Don't worry.. it is great that you are thinking about why this happens, because finding out the reason and then dealing with it is the only thing aside from practicing that is going to get you out of your shell and talking up a storm!!
You go girl!
thanks
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