once upon a time
Once upon a time I was a skinny girl..who turned into a fat girl....then I was a fat girl who got control and lost like 15kgs....then this 15kg lost girl hit a rough patch and start to gain it again!
This is so dissapointing to me....it was such a challenge to loose the weight the first time ( too many medicaly linked probs) and now...I have to loose it all again.
How could I let things get so bad again...I can feel the fat, my clothes are getting that bit tighter, my stomach looks like its preparing to carry triplets....I'm feeling disgusting.
I keep on saying tomorrow, tomorrow...fucking tomorrow, but tomorrow never seems to come, I just keep slipping and slipping and slipping....whats my problem!
It is so simple, with all the medical probs I have I have it spelt out for me...you can eat this, you cant eat that...if I eat the things on the 'I cant' list I wil get fat and I will get sick...but I keep on doing it...now this is not to say never, I could probably have my 'i cant' foods once every now and then...little tastes, but I have just gonre right of the rail...its like I know I cant have them...so now I want them more!!!!
Why cant I just do what I did the last time, I just did it!
I'm on the exercise bike at the min, cold is still there but it seems to be a little less dominering....I just feel like grilling my body for a few hours, make it sweat and make it hurt and remember how good the pain feels after it!
I think I need to get a 'gym' type cirlce of friends...I love the ones I have, but if I suggest a walk or anyhting they cringe, and run for chocolate, I need people I can exercise with, walk with, talk with, keep me...keep eachother motivated...its so hard to do it alone (believe me I feel so priveledged to have all out there in this blog world suporting me and suporting eachother)
When is today going to begin...when am I finally gonna change my life back....fuck...now, it has to begin n0w!!!! I cant keep living in this distruction...its killing me!
Ps...YAY all with all the weight lost out there...you are inspiring....keep it all up!
posted by laura @ 1:43 PM
12 Comments:
That's what we are here for!
Don't get so down on yourself. Whenever you want to eat something shitty, just log on and read some blogs. It really helps.
try to concentrate on the moment. it might help take away the anxiety over waiting for tomorrow. it is awesome that you're on the bike - getting back into some exercise. perhaps instead of looking at your can't list of foods - you just look at the cans - try to find the shinny spot on that. I like your idea of trying to find some gym type friends - making a change in your life can be scary for others. if nothing else, you have everyone out here in blog world!! Hang in there Laura - you can do this. You totally can.
You'll do it! We all will! Just stay patient and only try to deal with today. Remember that it's a lot of little good choices that will add up to one huge reward. And if you make a bad choice, don't beat yourself up over it. Just shrug it off and start over. It doesn't make you a bad person.
It's good that you're acknowledging the weight gain. I lost 34 lbs a few years ago and then watched as the number grew steadily higher and higher until I had gained it all back plus another 37 pounds. I wish I would have pulled the reins back, but I didn't and now I'm having to lose all of it all over again. It's good you're making the change now before you've done too much damage! Keep with it! If you keep trying eventually you'll succeed!!!
Just try and think about the next meal! Dont try and think too far ahead, because it can be overwhelming. Perhaps just start now thinking what the next thing you can do to make yourself healthy is. And then once you have eaten that meal or done that exercise and felt how good it feels, start thinking about the next thing.
We are here for you, and YOU can do this!
I'm sure you'll get back into it soon :)
What is your gym like? Maybe you can meet some new friends there since they are already going to the same gym. I figure it's a good time to do it because there are so many newbies joining up for new year.
i know exactly how you're feeling... been there... fairly recently too... you know i'm not sure what exactly triggered me to get my arse into gear...but i know i tried countless times to do it and get back to it, but i'd alsways fail and say i'll start again tomorrow... it's a horrible feeling... but one that'll come to an end... pick a date and write it down.. that's going to be your day to start afresh... so go ahead eat all the foods you crave all before this day... then tell your self that after this day you're going to stop eating all this crap and be healthy...
maybe if you feel like you're misisng out on something be it chocolate or something, make weigh in day a day for a treat... (after you've weighed in of course... that way yeah you get your treat... but then you also have a week to work it off....
as for gym buddies.. that was my probelm... its' so much easier working out and being motivated to turn up f you have someone to talk to... and laugh with...
that was one of my downfalls, my buddies at the gym stoped going, and it wasn't as fun so i stopped going too...
anyway keep your chin up and smile!
Hey!
Thanks for your comment, you always seem to be full of good ideas.
PS you had me cracking up about the bf and the hairdressers. lol. Males ay? :S
Hi Laura,
At the risk of sounding like an amateur shrink, I think a lot of "falling off the wagon" happens because we are so busy at looking at what we can't have and feeling like we're denying ourself pleasure instead of looking at the positives out of the experience.
When I was thinking about how to reply to your post, I sat down and listed the pro's and cons of my new lifestyle and came up with this list.
By allowing myself to consume junk food and not exercise what do I get (my old lifestyle)?
- A few seconds of taste sensation. But I cannot count this as a plus because it is always followed by hours of self-loathing because my will wasn’t strong enough to resist the temptation.
- Not having to study a menu longer to make the healthiest choice and just eat whatever I want without feeling like a pratt asking the waiter to change the whole dish around to suit me.
- Being able to lie on the couch instead of sometimes having to really push myself to go to the gym (but I do enjoy it when I get there).
-Go out a few nights of the week without having to worry about what I will be eating, whether or not there is anything on the menu to suit me so I have to eat before I go, drinking whatever I want, not having to make my meals every night to eat at work the following day.
- Being able to sleep in every morning.
- Going out partying every weekend.
By allowing myself to consume healthy food and exercise what do I get (my new lifestyle)?
- Feeling happy with the way I look and excitement over changes in my physique.
- Able to follow my passion for figure bodybuilding competing.
- A longer life.
- Less chance of contracting the cancer my Dad died of.
- The energy to do whatever I want.
- Really savoring every mouthful of a treat that is not on-plan.
- Great health (the last time I was sick was in April 2005).
- Great skin (something other people always comment on, so it’s not just my own vanity talking here… LOL!!)
- Inspiring other people to do the same.
- Waking up and bounding out of bed in the morning (even if it is 4.30am when the alarm goes off... LOL!!).
- No hangover on the weekend and actually getting to see the daylight hours instead of partying all night and sleeping all day.
So I guess the reason I can stay on-track and be happy about the lifestyle I have chosen can all be put down to one thing… ATTITUDE. I choose to look at my lifestyle as what I am gaining by giving up all the junk and inactivity, not as what I am missing out on. When I make out the pro’s and con’s list, the con’s list always looks better to me!!
I hope this helps in some small way. Just remember the baby steps and try not to get so overwhelmed with the journey ahead of you. The journey of a thousand steps begins with just one, which you have already taken. You may get tired on the journey, you may take a wrong turn, but continuing on with the journey is THE most important thing.
Love Rae xxx
meal by meal, day by day, week by week, kg by kg....YOU CAN DO IT. DOO IT. DO IT DO IT DOOOOOOOO IT. WOOHOO hehehe
soooo know you're once upon a time story!!!
you've got some great advice there by these lovely ladies!
You can do it hun...I like the idea of finding some gym junky friends....I have one friend who starts coming to the gym and then backs out. Before I would have given up with her, but I've realsied that there's nothing wrong with going to RPM and pump classes on my own!
OK I've had a horrible weekend / week too! and I sooo know what you mean about "can't foods" and how they become so tempting because well it's like you'll never get to eat them AND then it's never just one. I'm the same way.
Like everyone else has said, you just have to take it meal by meal and do the best you can. As long as you don't give up on yourself you can do this Hun! We're all with you.
You've done wonderful losing the 15kgs lets get the other 10 off :D
I'm glad your flu is subsiding and you're strong enough to exercise again. Oy vey, I know how much a friend helps support you with exercise too. My flatmate and I push the other one to get through it. Like what Kathryn said, maybe you can get some friends in the gym you go at now?
Best of luck for the week! lets make it an awesome one.
The only person that can do this is you. One meal at a time. You need to find out what your triggers are and try and work out ways to overcome them. It's hard isn't it? Nobody's perfect, just do your best hon.
Bri
Post a Comment
<< Home