last for the year

Well its come to that time again...to end another year, this will be my last post for 2005...i'm getting outta here for a few days, to think it was new years eve past that we lay to rest my grandfather...so many things have changed, this year has just been a blur for me. But what this year has taught me is that alot of shit can happen, if you allow yourself to fall into a heap then thats where your most likely gonna stay...2005 I pronounce to be the shitest year of my life, it was one long roller coaster that seemed to just be heading down...am I happy...no...will I ever be happy, I dont know, I dont remember what it feels like to be really happy...but it is time to put the year to rest, to put away all the saddness and grief....time to start it all again, will things change for me, will the fat finally go away, I just dont know. But I think that its about time for changes, what those changes are I have no idea yet, but there need to be some or FAT is going to end it all for me, cos right now hope seems distant and my head is in a bad place.
For all those who have been around for me in this blog world, I thank-you, believe it or not sometimes just knowing there may be a message of hope for me out there is the only reason that I get out of bed, this blog is probably the best thing I have done...depressing as it is, it has become a reason to live for me....I know I have many hurdles to jump, many challenges to face, and with that many obsticals to over come, I know that I cant do it alone, so for those who are with me on this ride, look out...2006 is a new year for me...and I dont plan to out without a fight...not yet anyway!